... or wrong direction, really. towards the end of 2020, i didn't want to be me, and i wasn't sure i wanted to or could (in terms of available options) be someone else. but being someone else - reinvention, creating myself a way out of a hole - is how i've dealt with things before. so i tried that. these appeared somewhere along with some anguished commentary. it was a dead end - it reconnected me with creating, but i quickly worked out i didn't want to stay there. it was just a new hole.

there's still something to these though. the first track ('neurological symptoms') pretty accurately captures the state of my head a month and half into long covid. the drums are pulled from a cd i've held on to for years that my good friend lee made with a fantastic drummer called jason woodfin, who served briefly in the chaos engine and oil seed rape (the parker knoll 7" from 1994 is two sides of awesome). callback - my pzm was used. 'pixellator' features some cheap-end consumer 90s tech charlie clouser from NIN developed with digitech - the unit hums to the point of uselessness now, beyond what i got out of it here. and the third - 'all these pictures this is your world' - is my favourite of the three - a cr68 through an old boss guitar multi-fx that i had to hop on and off while playing a guitar part (and sound) i was really happy with, with a bunch of samples that let me say what i wanted without the usual agonizing over lyrics. perversely these tracks are my version of spontaneous - without lyrics, it's a more direct route from my head to this.

but ultimately, i couldn't shake the feeling it didn't feel like much more than fucking around on a computer.